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20 Tips for 20 Years of Marriage

February 14, 2019 //  by April Graney//  Leave a Comment

1. Love God more than your spouse: God is love and He has shown us how to love by giving his son for us. When we love God in return, he enables us to love supernaturally and our desire to please Him gives us strength we need to love our spouse even in difficult times.


2. Love your spouse: Love is sacrifice, hard work, commitment, intentionality, not just emotion. Love with your hands and feet. Your emotions will follow. 


3. Laugh: Laugh often and much, don’t take yourself too seriously or be easily offended.


4. Forgive: living and loving in marriage comes with greater opportunity for hurt as well. Forgive easily and often. Keep no record of wrongs. 


5. Ask forgiveness: admitting where you went wrong is an exercise in humility and repentance. Say “I’m sorry” without defending yourself. 


6. Commit: Commitment starts on day one, when marriage vows are taken and the phrase “til death do us part” is wholeheartedly embraced with no “exit sign” in your mind for the rest of your life. 


7. Intimacy: Intimacy is cement, bonding us emotionally, physically, and beautifully together. Make it a habit to prioritize intimacy with your partner and work to communicate and grow in this area together.


8. Spend less than you make: Money issues are one of the top reasons for divorce and can be the biggest stress in marriage. Live frugally and within your means. 


9. Communicate: This takes carving out adequate time. Communicate every day, but spend additional time weekly to share feelings and thoughts more intentionally and intimately. 


10. Extend simple courtesy: rudeness or lack of simple courtesy devalues and harms your spouse. Simple courtesy builds appreciation and love. 


11. Time away together: take a vacation together yearly even if just one night away from the kids. Make this time for just the two of you a priority. 


12. Multiply: embrace the Biblical view of children as a blessing from God and seek his blessing. Children add tremendous joy, excitement, and opportunity for stretching and growth for parents. Multiplication also happens when couples intentionally invest together in the lives of others. 

13. Honor your spouse in public: make it a practice to never criticize or put down your spouse in front of others. If you feel the need to do so, these are private issues you should make time to discuss carefully with your spouse.

14. Attend Church together: Church involvement and friendships with other couples provides needed accountability and encouragement in marriage.

15. Encourage your spouse’s individuality: respect differences and give your spouse freedom and encouragement to pursue their God-given gifts and callings.

16. Guard your heart: your heart belongs to your spouse. Where the mind dwells, the emotions with follow. Don’t give your heart away to a job, a “friend”, or a fantasy.

17. Speak the truth in love: learn to phrase your words well and exercise a kind tone of voice when speaking truths that are hard.

18. Don’t compare: don’t compare your spouse to another or your marriage to another. Be content with your spouse.

19. Pick one thing: when the going gets rough, and if you’ve gotten on a negative path with a view towards your spouse, find just one thing about them that you admire and appreciate. Focus and dwell on that one thing, thanking and appreciating them for it. Over time, your list will grow.

20. Give Grace: Don’t expect perfection in your spouse. In this fallen world, we are all broken in need of grace. It is only by His grace that we are forgiven, and hearts are healed and empowered to live for more than ourselves. It is by God’s grace, that marriages last.  Even if you’ve been broken and hurt by divorce, God will not abandon you. His graces reaches out to you offering hope, healing, love and compassion.

Written on our 20th Anniversary to the love of my life, Tom Graney! Thank you for 20 adventure-filled years! (Now almost 24!)

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April Graney, Author

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Check out this featured book at a public library i Check out this featured book at a public library in Seattle! #Seattle #library #themarvelousmudhouse #librarylove #librarybook @tomgraney
What a full live we live together!! Thankful for 2 What a full live we live together!! Thankful for 27 years I've gotten to spend with Tom Graney! We had the most amazing steak dinner at this restaurant in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma (literally connected to a convenience store, but with the best steak ever), and then got to worship with the incredible staff and campers at NLR this week! Fullness and joy. We're pretty good partners, Tom Graney! Let's keep doing it! 😉
Please support your local bookstores! The Book Exc Please support your local bookstores! The Book Exchange and Bible bookstore in Pryor, OK now has copies of The Marvelous Maker in stock as well as The Marvelous Mud House! I could spend hours in this place with all of the great used and new books at great prices! Let's keep our local bookstores in business because who doesn't love browsing and flipping through the books we plan to read?! #shoplocal #bookstores #christianbookstore #Bible #usedbooks #authorlife #themarvelousmaker #themarvelousmudhouse #childrensbookauthor
Happy Father's Day to my dad who has been an aweso Happy Father's Day to my dad who has been an awesome Papa to my kids from the time they were small until now, and to my husband Tom Graney who has always been an incredible father to our kids from day 1. I love you both so much! Thank you for being the light and love of our heavenly Father to me and our kids. #onehappyhouse #fathers #fathersday
When we used to tailgate at safari on Sunday night When we used to tailgate at safari on Sunday nights! #tailgating #nlrsafari #newliferanch @tomgraney
I had the awesome priviledge this week to speak to I had the awesome priviledge this week to speak to the 300 junior campers at New Life Ranch Frontier Cove! The theme this summer is "Rock Solid" based on Hebrews 10:23. We talked about sin, salvation, and how to walk a rock solid faithful life because we have a rock solid God who always keeps his promises to be with us through every trial. We looked at the characters in Daniel, and then prepared them to launch back unto their schools, homes, and communities, with some simple solid ways to share the gospel at home! The counselors are going all out, and the campers were pumped up! Definitely an incredible week at camp! #summercamp #nlrfrontiercove #rocksolid #BookOfDaniel #themarvelousmaker #marvelousmaker
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